Ew, Nasty!

Dear Imaginary Friends,
Have you ever wondered what your wait staff person was putting into your food, behind closed doors? If you have ever read Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain, you are wondering right now what your last less-than-friendly waiter/waitress put into your food, when you mysteriously broke out into hives or severe nausea after eating restaurant food.
One dare not tick off the wait staff.  When your iced tea resembles the opacity of a Bloody Mary, does that mean it contains dish rag water? Or when the waitress grins as she delivers your dish and says it has a little something extra special in it, does that mean she spat into it, or worse? Help me! I don't wanna die! SO I plan to always act serene and happy as a customer, NO MATTER WHAT!
Safety First,

Patsie

Vampires, Zombies and Terrorists, Oh, My!

Dear Intrepid Followers of My Blatherings,

Boo! That is me shown above in the "Jason" hockey mask. Not very artistic, but it fulfilled my mission of scaring small children all over our neighborhood for Halloween.

I have been musing about Vampires, Werewolves, and now Zombies, which are recently coming back into vogue. Have you asked yourself why the sudden fascination with dark creatures of  the afterlife,  predatory and undead? They are all sneaky, hide in the guise of humans, and can do great damage.

Well, how much more of an allegorical reference do you need to think that we are subconsciously substituting them for Terrorists, who blend in amongst us? Somehow, we find it easier to obsess with the supernatural, than the fearsome and unpredictable reality. The Boogie Man walks, and he/they are real.

Peace,

Patsie

Art Attack: SO Much to See

Dear Imaginary Friends,

So much to do, so little time!

There is nothing quite so motivating to me to visit museum shows as knowing that today is the last day of the show. Therefore, the intrepid Carlo and I decided to outsmart the Marine Corps marathon that was clogging the streets of the beautiful Washington, DC, and visit the four main shows at the National Gallery of Art.

The impediment was the 26.2 mile Marine Corps Marathon, which snaked through Capiol Hill, closing streets and making access to the museum almost impossible. We literally had to streak across two streets of the runners, who happened to be dousing themselves with cups of water. They were none too pleased to have us slow them down. But hey, art first! Fitness, 23rd.


Today being Halloween, it was timed to be the last day of Edvard Munch's show. His work  The Scream is his most prominent, but he has many that are equally ghoulish: The Lonely Girl, Sin, The Vampire, etc. I preferred his more attractive Madonna.

Working within the Halloween theme also was the Archimboldo show, wherein a contemporary of Leonardo Da Vinci created portraits for the Hapsburg Emperor Maximillian of vegetables, fish, flowers, fruit, etc. They are very cleverly done, and would be just the thing to attract an adolescent who normally would eschew art museums.


Also on tap, the gorgeous Chester Dale collection. Chester Dale and his wife Maud had such an eye for quality; what an impressive collection of Impressionism and early modernism.


Opening today was the PreRaphaelite photo and painting exhibit, which has a ghoulish Lady of Shalott. Carlo is coocoo for cocopuffs when it comes to the Pre Raphaelites. He cannot get enough, so it was a must see. Photography had recently been invented when the movement started, and the very wealthy court members liked to amuse themselves with  the new and magical technology. And you thought the royals sat around all day polishing their crowns and kicking serfs. No sirree.


Get yourself to the art museums and  check out what the artists of the world have been up to.


Artfully yours,
Patsie

Leaf Peepers in the bonny state of Virginia

Dear Imaginary Friends,

How beautiful is the state of Virginia! In the autumn, my husband Carlo and I love to take a drive out toward the Blue Ridge Mountains for a bit of leaf peeping. Gold, red, and orange fleck the hillsides, and the breeze flutters through them, making them sparkle in the clear autumn air. My favorite trees are the sugar maples.

Yesterday, to see the trees out in wine country, we hit the towns of Berryville, White Post, Millwood, Leesburg, etc. One of our goals was to go to the Holy Cross Abbey in Berryville to hunt down some good old fashioned sherry and brandy laced fruitcake, covered in chocolate. I think if you buy this stuff from a monk, God makes the calories evaporate! At least, that was what I told the monk.
After buying that and some traditional fruitcake, some children's books, some cards and some homemade honey, it was time to eat dinner. No, I was not hungry after all that fruitcake, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. We went to the charming Battlefield Inn, a B and B in Berryville, where we ate luscious shrimp and grits and yummy macaroni and cheese on the side, plus some rich onion soup, etc. The house pinot noir came in a massive wine glass for only $7. It felt like half a bottle was in there!
We attempted to find Long Branch, a lovely historic home in White Post. Our Garmin navigation system kept sending us round and round in circles. It made no sense. After 3 attempts of driving continuously, hunting for the mythical address, we gave up. Our Garmin is definitely possessed. Sometimes, it listens to its good angel, and sometimes to its bad angel.
Technology is like that. It is great as long as it is working!
By the way, Holy Cross monastery has retreats, and is a lovely spot to contemplate fruitcake!
Your friend in Virginia,
Patsie

Here is my favorite pumpkin this Halloween. Which leads me to the question: why do grandparents go so ga-ga over their grandchildren? I am so glad that you asked! It is the sense of eternity...the continuation of the species, the gene pool...Grandchildren stroke our vanity. 

They bring back such fond memories of your own children when they were tiny, so very long ago. And if you are really lucky, they look like you. If they are really lucky, maybe they don't! Hahaha.

Your grandmotherly blogger,

Patsie

Why I Hate Spirit Airlines

Dear Spirit Airlines,

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways!
Last weekend, my husband and I trekked to Miami Beach and we made the consummate mistake of flying Spirit Airlines. Biggest problem: apparently, knees are optional! If you are taller than 5 feet, you will wonder where you are supposed to stow your knees on their airplanes, which seem to hark back to darker days when our ancestors travelled in stowage to America. If you had a magazine in the pouch in front of you, you no longer had room for your knees. Because the space allowed is 3 inches maximum.

As if the space issue is not heinous enough to turn one away from this wretched airline, add to that the charges for tea, coffee, soft drinks, reserved seats, and carry on bags.

This leads to the inevitable person-on-a-budget-making-unwise-spatial-decisions syndrome.

A very fat young lady stuffed all her belongings into a back pack and proceeded to stuff it under the seat in front of her. She was avoiding the $35 charge to carry on a bag in the overhead compartment. My sad luck: she was my seat mate. Consequence: I had to leave the aisle briefly in order for her to shove it with all of her might into the tiny space. Then, she parked her foot and leg in my foot space. Now, I am not normally a irritable person, but this made me want to accidentally kick her. Of course, I did not actually do so, but the temptation grew stronger with every minute. In the privacy of my own mind, I formulated plans to drop an anvil accidentally on her foot. Slight problem: I had no anvil, and if I did, there would have been an anvil-dropping charge imposed by Spirit.

Then the lady in front of her got really angry as the backpack girl pushed her voluminous body into the seat ahead of her in order to retrieve the MP3 she dropped on the floor in front of her. This sort of thing went on for 2.5 hours...

Smells like Bad Spirit...not teen spirit. I. will.not.ever.fly.them.again. 

Never again. 

US Airways is looking better... as would Rat and Bedbug Air.

Original denizens of Miami

Sincerely,

Veteran of the airways

Patricia Miller Uchello

Dyke's Marsh, c. Patricia Uchello, 2010